The 26th was my birthday :) the good side is that I got cupcakes, the bad side is that a piece of the filling(?) of my lower back left molar fell again, this is the second time that it happens. I´m getting it fixed next week, but this is the type of things that really put me down, I can´t help but think that this is never going to be over and to wonder if years after the surgery is finally done, am I going to even have teeth left? My dentist said that I could get veneers after it´s all over but what if during the months with braces my teeth get worse and worse I end up loosing them all or something?
I know I´m being paranoid but I´m already super careful with my dental hygiene and stuff like this still happens. I honestly don´t know what else to do.
In other news, I went to see the international officer of the uni I´m applying to, to tell her about my situation, she said that I should apply and see if I get an offer and then decide, I think that if they offer a place and I decide I want to get the surgery done here and then go to uni, my place is saved for a year. I´ve been thinking about it and while it would be great to be able to do both at the same time, it´s probably going to be really hard on me and I won´t be able to focus on my course as much as I would like to, specially if I have a swollen metal mouth, trying to communicate in a language that is not natural to me and doing a fashion course haha. I do want to go to uni, and I am going to go to uni, I haven´t made up my mind entirely but right now it looks like I´m going with surgery first and then uni so I can fully enjoy it. I had a heart to heart (?) talk with my dad where I said things that I´ve been holding for years and he said things that I think I knew but wasn´t really sure and even though I sometimes still feel horribly I think that I´m starting to see the light, we have a plan now and things look like they´re finally going in the right direction. I´m hoping to post about my consultation with a surgeon soon and get started with the process already :D
Also I wanted to say that I´m sorry if I don´t comment on your posts but be sure that I read them and think about your processes in my mind in a not as creepy as that sounded way. You know that post about the types of people in facebook? Like how there´s one that always puts things like worst day ever and if you ask what´s wrong they´ll say I dont want to talk about it? Or the one that always sends games requests?
Well I´m the one that reads everything and knows everything and just never comments or makes their presence known hahah. I don´t know if it´s because I´m self concious because of my jaw, or because I feel like people don´t need or want to know my opinions or maybe if it´s just because I´m weird and don´t like people knowing what I´m thinking, I just do it.
I´m going to try and be proactive and actually go and say all the things I´m thinking (maybe not all) and feel like a part of the community for once, both internet and real. I´m not sure if any of that made sense or if just rambling as usual, but yeah...
Hope you all are doing good :)
Hi Tania! I just wanted to say that I (personally) think you're doing the right thing by going with surgery before an adventure like Uni. I studied abroad in London for a year, and with all the amazing things you experience, I couldn't imagine having to deal with a downer like jaw surgery at the same time! I'm wishing you nothing but much love, light, and peace until you're surgery and thereafter! I know it's easy for me to say because my surgery is around the corner, but rest assured, I've been waiting for what feels like my whole life for this, just like you and the other millions of people out there like us. You'll have your time too, love. I'd use THIS time to do just want your proposed---be proactive and say all the things you're feeling-- find you. That way, she won't be such a stranger when she stares back at you in the mirror after surgery. :)
ReplyDeleteHey Tania. Good choice. I agree with Adrienne. You wouldn't be able to fully focus on uni with your jaw issues/surgery. And I'm talking from experience. My own personal issues with my jaw and teeth seriously effected my grades, so much so that I left uni one year sooner than I had originally planned - I should have done an MA with honours, but I instead graduated only with and ordinary MA. I couldn't do my honours year because I had sunk into depression so badly my grades had plummeted and I had drop out (early graduation) and go home to my parents to recover from depression. Uni is too important to juggle it with other major events in your life. I believe putting surgery first is the best choice 100%
ReplyDeleteThanks to both of you, people thinks it´s weird that I´m choosing surgery over education but knowing myself I would probably end up Uni about a month in and trying to balance that with this whole process would just not work at all. There are some days when I think I could do it, but realistically speaking I would rather take my time, focus on surgery and doing other things that I want that uni would not let me and then when thats over, go ahead and focus in uni like I should.
ReplyDeleteAdrienne, good luck with your surgery, Ill be thinking of you!
Corrinne, Im sorry to hear that, would you consider doing the honours year after surgery? I have no idea if that can be done or not but it would be nice to finish what you started with a better perspective (and smile) I think.