The 26th was my birthday :) the good side is that I got cupcakes, the bad side is that a piece of the filling(?) of my lower back left molar fell again, this is the second time that it happens. I´m getting it fixed next week, but this is the type of things that really put me down, I can´t help but think that this is never going to be over and to wonder if years after the surgery is finally done, am I going to even have teeth left? My dentist said that I could get veneers after it´s all over but what if during the months with braces my teeth get worse and worse I end up loosing them all or something?
I know I´m being paranoid but I´m already super careful with my dental hygiene and stuff like this still happens. I honestly don´t know what else to do.
In other news, I went to see the international officer of the uni I´m applying to, to tell her about my situation, she said that I should apply and see if I get an offer and then decide, I think that if they offer a place and I decide I want to get the surgery done here and then go to uni, my place is saved for a year. I´ve been thinking about it and while it would be great to be able to do both at the same time, it´s probably going to be really hard on me and I won´t be able to focus on my course as much as I would like to, specially if I have a swollen metal mouth, trying to communicate in a language that is not natural to me and doing a fashion course haha. I do want to go to uni, and I am going to go to uni, I haven´t made up my mind entirely but right now it looks like I´m going with surgery first and then uni so I can fully enjoy it. I had a heart to heart (?) talk with my dad where I said things that I´ve been holding for years and he said things that I think I knew but wasn´t really sure and even though I sometimes still feel horribly I think that I´m starting to see the light, we have a plan now and things look like they´re finally going in the right direction. I´m hoping to post about my consultation with a surgeon soon and get started with the process already :D
Also I wanted to say that I´m sorry if I don´t comment on your posts but be sure that I read them and think about your processes in my mind in a not as creepy as that sounded way. You know that post about the types of people in facebook? Like how there´s one that always puts things like worst day ever and if you ask what´s wrong they´ll say I dont want to talk about it? Or the one that always sends games requests?
Well I´m the one that reads everything and knows everything and just never comments or makes their presence known hahah. I don´t know if it´s because I´m self concious because of my jaw, or because I feel like people don´t need or want to know my opinions or maybe if it´s just because I´m weird and don´t like people knowing what I´m thinking, I just do it.
I´m going to try and be proactive and actually go and say all the things I´m thinking (maybe not all) and feel like a part of the community for once, both internet and real. I´m not sure if any of that made sense or if just rambling as usual, but yeah...
Hope you all are doing good :)